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Dear Bristol Palin, the man that heckled you at the bar doesn’t think your mom is a devil whore that’s going to hell for running the city into the grave because he’s gay.

Bristol Palin

Image by Gage Skidmore via Flickr

That doesn’t even make sense. He thinks that your mom is a devil whore that’s going to hell for running the city into the grave because, in his opinion – she’s a devil whore that’s going to hell for running the city into the grave. Got it now? A pretty girl should always have brains to back it up.

And the 3:30 mark, is that your impression of gayness? Or your impression of homophobia? I’m confused. Then you said “let’s go”…as if you were going to fight him. Learn to pick your battles. He’s a 47 year old bald man. He would beat your little dumpy inflexible ass. Don’t front like a big shot for the cameras. Big shots end up looking like chumps. Case in point.

I read the news today, Bristol. Which one, do you ask?  Most of them…with a great appreciation for the press, for the media. All of them. Any of them that has been in front of me over all these years. Specifically, the NY Daily News. I saw that a well paid public relations representative offered a statement defending your actions as self-defense: “[she] was approached in a confrontational and inappropriate manner when two men aggressively shouted expletives aimed at her in reference to her mother. Bristol responded to the unprovoked verbal assault by calmly standing her ground and defending her family.”

So…3 snaps in Z formation is a calm defense tactic?

Hated it!

Your rep also mention that “the situation ended with no incident, and accusing her of homophobia is completely unfounded and totally misstates her views.” Actually, the situation was an incident in itself, then it ended. Tell her also that totally adding “completely” and “totally” in front of words does not make the sentence and more completely true. 😐 And that you, being considered homophobic is not necessarily totally and completely unfounded.

Your “self defense” Zorro snap in Z formation appeared to be very homophobic. And its not a far fetch to believe you are homophobic because you have been raised by Sarah Palin, self-proclaimed homophobic, and your sister, Willow Palin is clearly fond of using the phrase “your [sic] gay” and “your [sic] such a faggot” as insults when “sticking up for [your] family”. So why would anyone believe that you would not also use homosexuality in another case of “sticking up for [your] family”?

You questioned if a man dislikes your mother because he’s gay. I’m sure that can be a reason. I can admit to not being a fan of Sarah Palin because she supports regulated discrimination against me and others like me, despite us being fellow tax-paying Americans. That’s not my only reason, nor primary reason. I have a feeling that wasn’t the Palin Heckler’s only reason either, but you didn’t ask “Why? Because she’s a woman in politics?” or “Why? Because she’s a republican?”. You didn’t ask if it was because she embarrassed the state of Alaska while representing their state. You didn’t ask if it was because he was jealous of her media attention. You didn’t ask if it was because she described the duties of the Vice President incorrectly. You didn’t ask if it was because she bullshitted her way through questions about Supreme Court rulings. You didn’t ask if it was because of Tina Fey‘s SNL Sarah Palin skits. You didn’t ask if it was because the media “wrongfully” and relentlessly made fun of her and portrayed her as a blubbering fool (though, the portrayal was totally and completely accurate).

Of all things….OF ALL THINGS YOU COULD THINK OF…You said “Is it because you are a homosexual?” YOU CHOSE his sexuality as a reason and chose it based on ASSumptions. You didn’t even ask if it was because he was bald, which was CLEARLY more VISIBLE than who he sleeps in his private time. That guy he was with wasn’t even his boyfriend. You asked him a question, and then you answered it for him with statement-question, ASSuming that the primary reason he must not like your mother is because he’s gay.

I am assuming that this is because your mother hates gay people…otherwise, why would someone hate her just because they are gay, unless they thought she hated them first?

If you still don’t think you are homophobic. Read this document of you and your sister’s Facebook banter. It’s full of slurs and insults, just the way you like it: IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY.

Bristol sweetie, let me give you some totally and completely good advice:

1. YOU’RE, is a grammatical contraction, or short for YOU ARE.

2. YOUR, is used for possession.

3. You should never talk badly about YOUR “baby daddy” on Facebook, for the sake of the son you two share together. Once you put something on the internet, it is there forever. You do not need him growing up and reading about how you spoke ill of his father. You have a baby, now do your best to be mature about it. No more high school antics.

4. Don’t refer to YOUR baby’s father as a “baby daddy”. It sounds like something a bird would say. Bird…like a chickenhead…skank…trashy. It’s more mature to say “baby’s father”, especially if you are trying to appear respectable. Facebook arguments are trashy enough, don’t take it any lower by telling your opponents “you’ll be as successful as my baby daddy”.

5. YOUR mom‘s show sucked donkey balls…for many people. Accept it. That is why it wasn’t picked up for another season. I know you love her and support her, and I think you should only tell her good things about herself. Tell her that she looked beautiful tv, that she’s the best mom, and that she’s super smart. Everyone is not always going to feel the same way about her though. Some people will think SHE sucks donkey balls. That’s okay too. Understand that they have the right to their opinions, as do you, and that you can’t force them to think otherwise. You especially can’t sway their opinions if you act like you have no home-training on the internet. Your behavior is a reflection of her child rearing skills. It was bad enough that during the presidential elections, the teenage daughter of a republican vice president candidate, who publicly supported abstinence-only sex education, ended up pregnant and was part of the downfall of her political career. Make it up to her. Act like you have some goddamn sense, already.

6. The next time a heckler is bothering you, just IGNORE THEM. Don’t walk up to them and try to question them, you’re not Oprah. Don’t go to war with them in Facebook status messages. Don’t speak of it on twitter. Just ignore them. Everyone is not going to like you. That’s life. Get over it. You can’t do anything about that. A popular quote says “It is better to be thought a fool, than to open mouth and remove all doubt”. Even if you are a fool, honey, don’t prove it by heckling the hecklers back. Read this one to Willow, as well.

6. YOUR sister, Willow, uses language that would make people assume that she hates gay people. Tell her to stop. It’s not cool. It’s lame. And she should feel embarrassed to portray herself as a discriminator. Especially when she went all gung ho on people for what she probably perceived as discrimination against her family.

7. Since Sarah’s kooky political platforms, and your ironic teenage pregnancy skyrocketed you into the spotlight, YOU’RE going to need to learn the difference between what you WANT to do/say or what you SHOULD do/say. Let the SHOULD take the lead.

8. Don’t even bother with the “I’m not homophobic, some of my friends are gay” line. It’s the homophobic’s motto. The only thing you can do to unlink your name with homophobia is to become a lesbian yourself. Better yet, let your sister be the lesbian, since you’ve got the teen mom thing covered. Some of the most homophobic people are really just closeted gays. Feeling attracted to the same sex makes them feel uncomfortable and angry with themselves, especially if their own family makes derogatory remarks or discriminate against gays. It hurts to hate yourself, so instead they take the anger they have towards themselves, and exert it onto an external forces. Many times, these external forces are representations of what they hate in themselves. The most homophobic people tend to be gay. People who hate their moms grow up to be just like them. Haters hate haters.

9. You are not going to clear your name as a teen mom. EVER. So stop with the “abstinence is the best policy” Public Service Announcements. No one wants to hear someone who obviously has had sex and who probably still does, tell them not to do it. You are not a believable spokesperson, especially because you’ve lied about your sexual experiences before. “What is done, is done, and cannot be undone”, so move on. Work on being the best mom you can be. Set proper examples. Be more realistic for our evolving society, and advocate the importance of safe sex and full fledge sex education. Be different from your mom. Speak with your own voice. You don’t have to keep telling the world how abstinent you are to prove it, or redeem yourself. It’s none of their business anyway.

10. Consider being an advocate for gay civil rights and doing PSAs against homophobia. Admit that you were wrong for your past behavior in regards to appearing homophobic. Mention how you did not realize how offensive terms like “that’s gay” and “faggot” felt to others because you just did not think it all the way through. Acknowledge that even if it wasn’t your intent to, you were behaving homophobically. Make a vow to not use phrases and terms that are derogatory to a particular group of people and to support equal civil rights for all Americans. Do this, regardless of how you feel about being a lesbian yourself. Do this because it is the right thing to do. As the child of a politician, you should understand this: “United We Stand, Divided We Fall”.

I truly wish you luck. You can do so much more with your star power if you just channel it in the right direction. YOUR direction. Not your mother’s.

I’m so mad that the video below made me laugh. People are crazy lmao.

September 2011
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