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Annoying People: Aspiring Rappers

There is a serious epidemic going on in this country. There seems to be an abundance of annoying people accumulating, and my theory is that these people do not realize that they are in fact an Annoying Person. So here is a notso quick blog about a certain group of annoying people, in hopes that it could help people diagnose why they have the sudden urge to slap certain people, and perhaps diagnose why people seem to have the sudden urge to slap you.

Today I’d like to focus on Aspiring Rappers
I promise I am not just being a hater because I rap as whack as Cameron, all homo. I also am very aware that there are some great, successful, and lyrically genius rappers out there (1 out of 3 works too, Souljaboy). However, as these people journey into stardom or being a 40 year old “rapper”/ups carrier, they insist on annoying their companions by rapping at inappropriate times and places. No, we are not feeling it when you rap over the radio in the car. If I wanted to hear you, I would turn off the radio and pop in one of the cds you gave me that I had been faithfully using as a makeshift ash try.
No, I do not think it is all that cool or sexy to rap your way through Target. It looks juvenile. And stupid.
No, I do not want to hear your new “hit” because you are feeling in the mood to spit. I am more than likely NEVER in the mood to listen to someone’s random rhymes unless I am at some sort of open mic event. Really. I promise you that I never have the yearn or sudden craving to listen to you rap outside of that.
Also, we are tired of pretending to like your shit. Stop making us.
And don’t get me started on the too often uncomfortable scenario you put us in:

WannabeWeezy: Listen, I have something I want you to hear. Be honest with me.
Innoncent Bystander: Umm…(clearly uncertain)
WannabeWeezy: No, really, I really need some feedback.(clearly expecting positive feedback)
Innoncent Bystander: Ummm…(fidgeting, hoping something comes up suddenly, basically praying for a little miracle of postponement)
WW: No really, Come on. (giving no choice, proceeding anyway)
IB: Well ok.
*After 12 minutes non-intermissioned spittage*
WW: Well What do you think?
IB: Um…(wanting to tell the truth)
WW: I mean, it’s not finished but…(waiting for the glowing reviews)
IB: It’s good!
WW: You don’t like it?
IB: No, I like it.
WW: You don’t get my music.
IB: (cringes after being verbally attacked by the smooth criminal. The cheap stab hits a nerve, almost causing a sudden bitch slap reaction of the IB)

Does that sound like fun? Does that sound enjoyable? Grand old times?
If you are the IB, don’t snap. Inhale, exhale. You have encountered an Annoying Person in the guise of an aspiring rapper.
If you find yourself relating to the WW, slap yourself. You ARE the Annoying Person.

In order to rectify this dilemma, there are a few things that these sort of APs can do for starters.
For one, stop rapping over the radio in the car unless you are with people who are currently doing the same and NO ONE ELSE. If even ONE person is not interested, save your lyrics for later.
Don’t rap in stores, gyms, and restaurants. If I didn’t mention the location, and you aren’t sure, don’t do it.
Stop rapping in people’s faces. That’s just rude. If dancers started just breaking out into dance in your face all the time, you would not be feeling it either.
Stop rapping AT us. It’s intimidating. And sometimes you spit on our faces.
Stop forcing your stuff on us. If you wouldn’t push it, it would probably feel less overwhelming, and therefore more potentially likable.
Stop the titty-attacks when your rhyme is not our jam. It’s not always because we don’t get it. It’s because we don’t like it. Leave it at that.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve heard some nice amateur work. And ALL rappers aren’t annoying. Some actually practice the rules I’ve listen above without having to be told to do so. Some of my favorite people are rappers, too (ShoutOut to CNature and others who probably wont read this). They aren’t so annoying…most of the time. I even understand that you may very well end up being the next Eminem or JayZ (Id even call them an AP if they acted like one) or whoever you aspire to be, and I wish whatever it is that you want for you, but the truth of the matter is, that overall, Im going to need you to stop being annoying along the way.

To those who may be offended by this post, I am sorry if you are confusing my honesty for bitchiness. Air kiss?

February 2009


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