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RhiRhi & C.Breezy

I know it’s been a few days, but I thought it was time to talk about it now that I’ve done what they should have done and took some time to cool down before I textually assault the silly kids…who are of age enough for me to be honest (aka brutal).
I am not about to prosecute the victim like the other devil’s advocates out there…okay Im lying. Im sooooooo about to prosecute the “victim”. Just for a moment.

According to sources…which could be anyone from the crackhead that was getting their fix nearby to a best friend who is getting paid on the side to dish details…said that Rhianna and Chris were arguing in his rented Lamborghini, probably about something juvenile like planning to be together forever. In her rage over whatever an imrichbitch teen boy did/said, she took the keys to the car and threw them out the window. She sat in the car while he went to find them and he couldn’t. So he came back to the car, and apparently beat her like watchu-said-about-my-mama, she fell unconcious and awoke to a jacked up jaw, a black eye, and a bruised up face and body while Chris was gone. That is all the info I have been privvy to. And from that information I would like to offer a few tips that Rhianna must have missed.

1. If you take someone’s keys out of their rented car and throw them, you need to be prepared to walk. Or run, rather.

2. If they can’t find the keys, and come back to the car and you are still there, sitting like Queen Elizabeth, then you need to be prepared to have your ass beat. Regardless of whether it will be done, you need to prepare for it.

3. When you do something to make someone angry, expect them to be angry, and expect them to react.

4. Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight. Rented lamborghini keys tossed into oblivion right before he has to be to the Grammys….gunfight. If RhiRhi was going to stand her ground in the car, she needed to be ready to throw blows. Not just chilling. And definitely not fainting.

All in all, Rhianna is a sexy mofo, but she’s also a bitch. I hate to say that people asked for a beat down…but Rhianna sort of asked for it. Chris could have been the more mature person and not given it but I can’t say that if Rhianna did the same thing to me, that I wouldn’t want to make her think twice about ever doing it again.

Please don’t think that I am really so jaded as to blame Rhianna. I don’t blame her. I blame them both. I think she is just as to blame as he is. I want people to understand that every action you make has a reaction. Sometimes this reaction is unpredictable, or not what you expected…but ask yourself honestly this: What did Rhianna expect to happen when she tossed those keys out of the window? For Chris to laugh with joy and luxuriate in the good times of key-tossing before performing at the Grammys? I think not.

Chris doesnt need Mel Gibson’s publicist (as it is reported that he hired to clean up the mess). He needs to apologize for his part in the charade, and go to a rehab like all celebrities do when they do something publicly naughty.
Do I condone slapping Rhianna into next sunday? Yes. Sometimes I do.
Do I condone the career suicides of either of them? Yes. Sometimes I do.
Do I condone Chris slapping Rhianna into next sunday and committing what can be a career suicide? No. Im sure there are more entertaining ways he could get his songs to stop playing every 5 minutes on any given medium. Like drugs. Or a sextape.
But I also don’t condone people not taking responsibility for what they clearly are a catalyst for while letting someone else take the entire fall.
And I do feel a tiny bit sorry for him losing all his hard-earned sponsors…okay well I don’t feel sorry really cus he doesn’t pay my bills…but it’s still sucks. He’s losing everything, including respect, and she’s losing nothing, while gaining sympathy, when really she should be suffering more than just a black eye for being the bitch who threw the keys out from the start. So in my effort to also punish Rhianna for her nonsense I will continue to get her albums for free. Because that’s really what they are worth anyways. Let me know if you are for piracy against RhiRhi too.
They actually are pretty good, but I feel better by not spending my cash on it.

PS: What the hell did you fall unconcious from? Chris is like thisbig. How on earth did Chris beat her senseless? Did he stab her with his bones? Or attack her with his incredible teeth?
“Poppin” is my jam. Don’t worry Chris…I’ll still bump you on my radio.

February 2009


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